Narcissists are difficult people to deal with. Changing the rules to suit their needs, fighting dirty, gaslighting, and manipulating people are all tactics employed by those with narcissistic personalities making life quite difficult for those around them.

When toxic types can’t control how you perceive yourself, they’ll likely try to control how others see you. They may publicly make false allegations where they can play the martyr meanwhile you’re branded as a toxic person and outcast. A narcissist may go so far as to try to launch a campaign to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you don’t have a support network to fall back on.

In order to mask their abusive behavior and tactics, the narcissist may use projection, blame-shifting, or gaslighting tactics and this may come in the form of a verbal attack- which is why you’re here.

Once you’ve let them know you’re not falling for their facade and you’ve identified their manipulation tactics- they may try to play the victim card. They’ll masquerade as the innocent party and shift the blame onto you perhaps even calling you crazy or toxic. You may end up apologizing for the things that you never said or did and they’ll play the bigger person who is in the position to forgive you.

When this happens to you you need to protect yourself against their verbal abuse. Read on for: When a Narcissist Verbally Attacks You, Say These 5 Things…

Illustrations courtesy of Shutterstock.

Script 1 | The Passive Aggressive Response

If you go about life like everything is about you. You will be left with just you.

I’m sorry, I forgot I only exist when you want something.

Thank you for reminding me about what kind of person you are. I had almost forgotten.

Sorry my self-absorption got in the way of yours.

Your problem is not knowing you’re the problem.

Probably not the most tension diffusing of tactics, but it will certainly feel good saying it! Be prepared to cut ties with this person and be prepared for some backlash.

Script 2 | “I Understand Your Perspective”

Help me to understand your point of view? Ahh I see- so what you’re saying is…[Insert relevant scenario].

Forgive me I didn’t understand [Insert relevant scenario].

You must have been very hurt by what I’ve done- I’m really sorry- I didn’t mean to do that.

Whether you do or don’t isn’t relevant in this case, you’ll never win an argument with a narcissist who believes you’ve done something to hurt them. By saying “we” rather than “I” or “you,” you include yourself in the behavior.

Resist the temptation to get defensive as it won’t help you in this case, you know who you are and your value so don’t bite the narcissist’s bait. There’s no chance of the narcissist admitting to any wrongdoing or apologizing, so this script is best used in situations where you aren’t yet able to cut yourself off from them (perhaps they are a relative or someone you work with).

The narcissist will likely get angry at you because you’ve stood your ground so it’s better for everyone to end an unnecessary backward and forwards. You can play their game a little bit and split the blame between the two of you.

Script 3 | Distraction Tactics

So tell me about…

Wow, you must be an expert.

How do you know all of this?

Intriguing- tell me more?

Narcissists love talking about themselves or expressing just how much more they know about something than everyone else. So, in order to end a conversation, you’ll never win- distract them with another topic to keep the conversation away from conflict. This might not be that effective in a full-blown argument, but if you do it after some time has passed, it will likely be effective.

Illustrations courtesy of Shutterstock.

This article was originally published on https://www.nevertherightword.com. If this article appears on any other site other than https://www.nevertherightword.com without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by https://www.nevertherightword.com.

This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants. For more information, please view our Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.

Script 4 | On the Opposite End of the Scale…

I think all of this is a tactic to try and do [X,Y,Z]

I think you’re a fraud/ not trustworthy/ a liar and I’m not going to engage with you any longer.

You could just call them out on everything- just be prepared for a battle and or cutting ties. This will likely end in the Narcissist discarding you- which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Narcissists feed heavily on the admiration of others. Without that admiration, they feel as though they are nothing. A  feeling of total irrelevance and unimportance scares narcissists. Because of this, they will often try very hard to put themselves in important roles (imagined or otherwise) in society.

Admiration from others is the source of a narcissist’s power, and without it they are nothing.

Script 5 | Thank You For Helping Me See Things Clearly

Thank you for bringing me some much needed perspective.

Whilst you think [X] about [Y] I am actually thankful about it.

Think about all the things [Insert Name] did for us/you to help you/us get to this stage. They may have done [X,Y,Z], but they really pulled through when we/you needed them the most.

Narcissists reject and fear gratitude as it is another emotion that is perceived as a sign of weakness and giving other people power over themselves. It’s the acceptance that you owe something to someone and that someone may actually be more knowledgeable about something than you.

To narcissistic people, they think of themselves as these all-powerful beings that rise far above others in superiority. The acceptance that someone else did something valuable for them brings them crashing back down to earth.

The idea that someone else gave them something they wanted/needed not only makes the narcissist the same as everyone else, but it also makes them feel as though they’re weaker, or lower down on the pecking order.

So there you have it. There’s no need to suffer verbal abuse from anyone, use these 5 scripts the next time a narcissist attacks you.

At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.  

If you’re interested in further reading, we’ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more about NTRW and our recommended tools, you can do that here.

Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!

Contact Us

Contact Form

Follow NTRW

Support NTRW

Donating to Never the Right Word will
help us produce more free content. Thank you!