Never the Right Word

Never the Right Word

Scripts & Templates for Life’s Uncomfortable Conversations.

Contact & find out more.

Legal Information

NTRW is supported by adverts and affiliate marketing links. This means if you click a link or buy a product, we may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Partnerships help fund this site. For more info, please see our Earnings Disclosure.
This site does not constitute as legal, mental, or medical health advice, please consult a competent licensed professional.

When a person is angry and emotional our natural instinct is to try and calm them down.

Often though, in our haste to avoid making a scene, we end up doing and saying things that actually have the opposite effect to the one intended. This can result in the person becoming even more angry and hysterical.   

When you don’t have the option to walk away (cooling off time is one of the most effective strategies) it’s always good to have some words to say that you know will work.

Most angry outbursts stem from frustration or feeling threatened. It is important not to be judgemental and to adopt an objective approach to any situation.

It is also vital to remain calm, to speak softly, and to be wary of any angry inflections in your voice.   

So, what do you say to get someone to feel more relaxed and less emotional? Here’s 8 phrases you can use to calm down highly emotional people that experts claim are guaranteed to work.

Template 1 | “Before You Say Something You May Regret…”

 

I know you are really angry right now, but you need to take some deep breathes and think rationally. I understand  where you are coming from.

You have every right to be annoyed but anything you say at the moment is a heat of the moment response. You might unintentionally hurt the people who care about you the most.

Here you are emphasising that the audience are friends or family and that words said in anger can have a massive impact on those relationships.

You are acknowledging the person’s feelings which is absolutely crucial but also reminding them that emotions can stop people thinking in a rational way.

Illustrations courtesy of Shutterstock.

This article was originally published on https://nevertherightword.com. If this article appears on any other site other than https://nevertherightword.com without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by https://nevertherightword.com.

This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants. For more information, please view our Privacy Policy and disclosure page.

Template 2 | “I Want to Understand”

 

I think I understand what is happening here.  I may be wrong though so feel free to correct me.  Now is not the right time to respond my friend.

Take a bit of time out and think about what you want to say properly.

By calling the person a friend, you emphasize to them that your intervention is well intentioned. You have their best interests at heart. 

Advising them to take ‘time out’ is also a good idea because ‘thinking time’ can help to diffuse any situation.

Template 3 | “You’re Feelings Are Justified, However…”

 

I completely understand you feeling angry in this situation, and you are right to feel wronged. I completely understand why you would want to lash out.

Saying things in anger is not going to help resolve the matter in the long-term

This communicates to the individual that you are taking their concerns seriously and that you respect their viewpoint without making any moral judgement about whatever it is that has happened.

If you're looking to develop your communication skills for professional environments even further, we think you’ll like the following video course from LinkedIn Learning. Check out the preview below:

Click here for full access to" Mindfulness" On LinkedIn Learning
UCLA professor and executive coach John Ullmen, PhD, explains the fundamentals of mindfulness and provides step-by-step methods that anyone can use. Every technique is confirmed by research and validated in practice to give you results for dealing with stress, anxiety, fear, worry, and self-doubt, and for increasing confidence, peak performance, and connection with others.

Template 4 | “Distract Yourself”

 

Before you say something that you regret, shall we just go and get a drink/bit of food/a breath of fresh air?

This works best with someone that you don’t know so well, because your intervention can throw them off balance.

You are taking control of the situation as well as putting physical distance between the angry person and the situation that has caused that anger.

Be prepared though. You might be setting yourself up for an emotional download!

This may not work so well with close friends either; you may just put yourself in a position where they re-direct their anger at you which may not help in securing a longer-term resolution.

Template 5 | “Take Me Through What Happened One Step at a Time”

 

OK, I need to stop you there for a second because I need to understand what it is exactly that is causing you to be so distressed.

You are obviously very upset, and I can totally appreciate your anger, but it is important that I have a complete understanding about what has happened.

Just take a moment…and a couple of deep breaths…and just start from the beginning.

This is a tried and tested technique that Human Resources managers use all the time to deal with disgruntled employees.

It works because it forces the emotional person to slow down and consider what they are saying more carefully and so it dilutes the emotional nature of the outburst.

It also reassures the person that their viewpoint is important, that it will be heard and that they will be able to tell their side of the story. It’s all about them feeling like they are being listened to.

If you're looking to develop your communication skills for professional environments even further, we think you’ll like the following video course from LinkedIn Learning. Check out the preview below:

Click here for full access to "Creating Positive Conversations with Challenging Customers" On LinkedIn Learning
In this course, Myra Golden shares approaches that can help you reframe such conversations, and use your words and actions to put a positive slant on an otherwise negative situation. Learn how to use empathy and pacing to foster a sense of connection with customers. Discover the words and phrases to avoid in customer service, how to use partnership language to leave people feeling heard and satisfied, and how to properly apologize. Plus, learn how to approach real-world situations, such as billing issues.

One thing that is absolutely certain is that on no account should you tell an emotional person to calm down. Doing so is likely to make them even more angry and emotional.  they are even more likely to lash out at you, potentially putting you in danger.  Try empathizing with the person and think about how you would react if you were in their circumstances. That way you can see things from their perspective and are more likely to appreciate their point of view. 

At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.   

If you’re interested in further reading, we’ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more about NTRW and our recommended tools, you can do that here.  

Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!

Never the Right Word

Never the Right Word

Hi there! I’m Amy, and I’m the person behind Never the Right Word. I’m a designer-by-day who’s fascinated by human psychology; you’ll find me learning about what makes others tick through all types of media and good old-fashioned conversation.

In 2019 Never the Right Word was born to fill the gap of ‘how-to’ websites with copy and paste examples showing you EXACTLY what you need to say to steer difficult conversations into positive outcomes.

Popular Articles...

Relevant Books We Recommend...

Dealing with Highly Anxious People: Smart Tactics to Cope with These People in Your Life (Hardback)

Dealing with Highly Anxious People: Smart Tactics to Cope with These People in Your Life by author Nina W. Brown focuses on the bystander and what they can do to not get drawn into the anxiety whilst protecting their own mental wellbeing. We recommend this book for anyone that's looking for easily implemented interventions and coping strategies for dealing with the anxious people in their lives, as well as learn model behavior that may help these people to feel less anxious. We personally rate this book due to the suggested coping skills it offers for both short and long-term interactions with highly stressed individuals. You can get your copy of Dealing with Highly Anxious People via Book Depository by CLICKING HERE.

Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact (Paperback)

In Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact, best-selling author and multiple award-winner Phil M. Jones presents what he calls his “Magic Words” and provides precise examples of how to put them to work. Expect to read the book quickly and feel instantly motivated to create your own examples to help you win more business, have more influence in your workplace, and grow your persuasiveness in social situations. This book took us approximately an hour to read and can be repeatedly referred back to with ease. We recommend this book to anyone who wants to build and integrate conducive habits into their communication skills. A thumbs up from us! CLICK HERE to buy Exactly What to Say from Book Depository.

The Mediator's Handbook: Revised & Expanded fourth edition (Paperback)

Throughout The Mediator's Handbook by Jennifer E. Beer and Caroline C. Packard the emphasis is on what the mediator can do or say NOW, and on the underlying principles and core methods that can help the mediator make considered choices. Long a popular course textbook for high schools, universities, and training programs, The Mediator's Handbook is also a valued desk reference for professional mediators, and a practical guide for managers, organizers, teachers, and anyone working with clients, customers, volunteers, committees or teams. You can get your copy of The Mediator's Handbook by CLICKING HERE.

Mindfulness

In Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by author Professor Mark Williams a set of simple yet powerful practices are explored. These practices are designed to be incorporated into our daily lives to help break the negative cycle of unhappiness, stress, anxiety, and mental fatigue. The book is based on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) which revolves around a straightforward form of mindfulness meditation which takes just a few minutes a day for the full benefits to be revealed. MBCT is widely recommended by US physicians and the UK's National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence - and is (according to research) just as effective as drugs. Well worth the read we think. Get your copy of Mindfulness: A practical guide by CLICKING HERE.

Pin Never the Right Word on Pinterest!

Like Our Site? These Are the Resources We Recommend.

To build this site we used these highly recommended tried-and-tested tools:

We Trust Elegant Themes

The Elegant Themes membership gives you complete access to 87 amazing themes and 3 awesome plugins, including Divi, the ultimate WordPress Theme and Visual Page builder. Elegant Themes have been building the world's most popular WordPress themes for the past 10 years, and rest assured their products will always be improved and maintained. 

Divi WordPress Theme

We Build With Divi Theme

One of the most popular WordPress themes in the world. Building layouts is easy and fast, making it ideal to create mockups and wireframes, prototyping a design, and creating the website itself. Build from the frontend or backend. The builder is intuitive. It's easy to learn and can be used by non-developers to create amazing websites. Check out the official Divi Theme here.

Divi Cake is a community driven marketplace for Divi Child Themes, Builder Layouts, and Plugins - Shop Now!

We Customize With Divi Cake Plugins

Divi Cake’s main goal is to help the members of the Divi community find the perfect premium Divi themes, layouts, and plugins created by leading Divi developers and designers. Shop hundreds of premium Divi products like Divi child themes, Divi layouts, and Divi plugins on Divi Cake, the community driven Divi Marketplace. Find out more about Divi Cake here.

We ❤️Shutterstock Media

We get our images from the OG leader in stock assets. Boost your business with the right images. They're royalty-free and ready to use. Footage & Music Libraries. 4k Images Added per Hour. No Daily Download Limit. Speedy Search & Discovery. With flexible plans and countless amounts of premium content uploaded weekly, we couldn't leave Shutterstock off our list.

Skill-Up With LinkedIn Learning

When you want to enhance your professional skills with expert-led, online video tutorials, the only place to go is LinkedIn Learning (Lynda). With a subscription you get 24/7, unlimited access to over 13,000 business, design & tech online courses and with a free month. We like them because we get expert-led courses that we can access anytime, anywhere. What's not to love?

Web Hosting

We're Hosted With SiteGround

SiteGround boasts a whole list of fantastic features at amazingly affordable prices. Along with multiple growth options, free site transfers and domains, built in Content Delivery Network integrations, WordPress support AND human support we wouldn't go to anyone else. They're basically faster, safer and more supportive- you can check them out here.

We Trust Grammarly Premium

Even seasoned writers need a helping hand at times, that’s why we trust Grammarly Premium. As the World's Most Accurate Online Grammar Checker, Grammarly Premium goes beyond grammar to help you ensure that everything you write is clear, engaging, and professional. Learn more about Grammarly Premium’s AI-powered assistant here.

Find Graphics With Creative Market

Creative Market is the world’s marketplace for design. Bring your creative projects to life with ready-to-use design assets from independent creators around the world. We love the unique finds, social media templates, vectors you name it they have it. I also doesn't hurt that our founder has a little store on there...

Powered by Creative Market

Powered by Creative Market

Contact Us

Email Us

Never the Right Word
Building 19475
PO Box 6945
London
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Follow NTRW

Support NTRW

Become a Patron!
Donate to Never the Right Word and keep us accessible to all. Thank you!

Stay in the Loop

error: Content is protected !!

Pin It on Pinterest