Never the Right Word

Never the Right Word

Scripts & Templates for Life’s Uncomfortable Conversations.

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Most of us have been on the receiving end of inappropriate comments and sometimes what has been said is so unbelievable it’s enough to render us speechless. We’re not quite sure whether or not we should respond. 

Often we freeze because we are not used to handling inappropriate, harsh, or (sometimes) mean comments. But what if there were a way you could learn a few responses and keep them up to your sleeve for the next time you are faced by someone who oversteps the boundaries?

These 50 witty responses written below could prove helpful for tackling one of those inappropriate comments. Before mentioning these responses, be mindful of the fact that exploring humor along the boundaries of appropriateness and relatability is an art form. Comic timing is important when it comes to being witty and once mastered, can make your social interactions effortless and smooth. With that said, let’s start with these 50 quick, witty responses to inappropriate comments: 

1 | I think I am trying way too hard to be nice if you could be saner things would be easier. (When someone’s irritating). 

2 | Welcome to planet EARTH, (if they’re trying to shame you for something normal/common). 

3 | I think that was “Human Thingy,” don’t we all do that?

4 | “When are you getting married? You’re of age now”, reply” Well, I think everyone is not as lucky as you are” (if they are married, they’ll keep quiet, if they’re single, they’ll shut up). 

5 | If only I loved anything more than my bed. 

6 | I hope you have as good a day as the vibes that you carry (if someone is acting toxic). 

7 | I wonder why you have not been called by CSI yet, given your talent for digging up dirt Hmm… (when they’re trying to be very nosy).

8 | If only you knew the word APPROPRIATE, anyway… (start with your conversation).

9 | Now I almost wish I could/should have (done that). (For times when you’re accused of something that you didn’t do.) 

10 | “Only if my wishes came true, right?” (if you’re constantly being reminded of your failures). 

11 | Ill get back to you if I want to hear trash talk.

12 | It takes one to know one. Classic.

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13 | Well, I hate to break it to you, but I think you need to redefine FUNNY.

14 | Don’t you ever get tired of being a jerk? Just take a break I know how tiring it can be. 

15 | Well, I think opinions are on a lookout for an ambassador, you qualify for people who are always eager to pass inappropriate comments. 

16 | I think you should take geography, because you don’t know your boundaries.

17 | Could you please surprise me by saying something that’s NOT PURE EVIL this time?

18 | Well, I talk like an idiot because you only seem to understand that language. 

19 | There’s nothing else more important in this world that you could be doing with full determination than to comment. 

20 | Is it a crime not to give a damn? 

21| For someone your IQ, you put a lot of thought into it, stretching your brain. 

22 | Well, you clear all doubts about you being stupid when you open that mouth of yours. 

23 | Read the Room, dude! Itevident, “NO ONE CARES!” 

24 | I wish I could’ve told you earlier, but Ive never seen you listen, so I assumed you don’t have that capacity.

25 | Could you amaze me by saying something nice for once? 

26 | Im not surprised people talk behind your back, and its so obvious 

27 | Remember the time I said you are the coolest and smartest guy? (Response would be, no) Exactly! I never did.

28 | I don’t remember me asking about your opinions  

29 | I want to cancel my subscription to [Name of person] utopia. (When the person is self-absorbed and doesn’t seem to listen.) 

30 | I wish I could give a damn. (When you are dealing with a mean comment).

31. Why didn’t you become a researcher, you would’ve been a natural, given your nosiness. (This would sting a little bit but is fine to the person who is up to your business). 

32. If being nice was a crime, you’ll be the only person roaming free. 

33. It means a lot coming from you it does.

34. I see you. I hear you, and I believe you when they’re trying to start an argument that you want to avoid.  

35. That is interesting, when does it end? (When youre being annoyed).

36. I would love to make full use of your Ph.D. stupid metrics but I don’t have time for this.

37 | I need you to know that you make this world a terrible place; you should be proud of yourself. (Used against generally toxic people. Or, if said in a fun tone, it could tell another person that you didn’t like the comment, and fun teasing as well.) 

38 | I think I should be more worried about it than you (to people who are too in your business).

39 | I wish I could make you understand, but I don’t specialize in toddlers. (That way, youre portraying them as knowing nothing of the situation).

40 | I pledge my allegiance to your intelligence.

41 | What’s that smell? BS?

42 | I wish I could have as much time as you to input into other people’s business.

43 | I think you are in dire need of a healthy hobby(Making them feel sorry for themselves).

44 | I should get your number for the next time – I’ll probably ask you first if that’s okay with you.

45 | Says a guy/ lady who never solved a single problem, (this one’s for all the Debbie downers out there).

46 | Sometimes I think I am messed up, but At least I’m not you.

47 | Oh, wait, did you listen to that snoring? OH! That’s my brain sleeping because of your boredom.

48 | I think you try way too hard to be cool and sadly…..it isn’t working. (When a person in hopes of becoming funny tries to roast you).

49 | I wish people could realiztheir worth in others life; that way they wouldn’t be too eager to comment.

50 | I could say I don’t care, but honestly, I do care, I Care About your LOST SANITY, I hope you find it somewhere down the line.

It’s very important to know your audience when using these responses like some of these will come across as downright rude (probably best not to say some of them to your in-laws). Before practicing them in your social interactions, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind:   

KNOW YOUR LIMITS 

(what you can accept and what you cannot accept). Words alone usually don’t have an impact, so one must put a little thought of the context. Improvise these scripts and use them in different ways to be more relatable and on point. 

KEEP IT RELEVANT  

You will also have to sound confident for these scripts to work. Know thyself (in terms of knowing your buttons, and what & who triggers you).

Sometimes we know best how to respond, but instead, we can’t just find the words to respond. These responses are a way to start your brain, pushing it into creating all sorts of witty responses appropriate for inappropriate situations. These could make you more in control of your social interactions, so practice these 50 responses and use them in inappropriate cases. But be mindful that the purpose of it all is to be more in control of your social interactions and reducing the toxicity around you by lightening the mood and managing inappropriateness.

At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.   

If you’re interested in further reading, we’ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more about NTRW and our recommended tools, you can do that here.  

Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!

Never the Right Word

Never the Right Word

Hi there! I’m Amy, and I’m the person behind Never the Right Word. I’m a designer-by-day who’s fascinated by human psychology; you’ll find me learning about what makes others tick through all types of media and good old-fashioned conversation.

In 2019 Never the Right Word was born to fill the gap of ‘how-to’ websites with copy and paste examples showing you EXACTLY what you need to say to steer difficult conversations into positive outcomes.

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