5 Ways to Discuss Sexual Dissatisfaction With Your Partner
There are many difficult conversations people must have with their partners at some point or another, but talking about sex is definitely one of the hardest. Before you start this discussion, it’s important that you enter it wisely, just like you would any tough talk. That means being non-defensive, avoiding the blame game, and using “we” statements so that it doesn’t turn into a fight. Realize that they likely have some things they’re unsatisfied with, too, and make it an open conversation.
1 | Avoid Criticizing
No one can handle sexual rejection from their partner. It is extremely painful, and that’s why you should never criticize when talking about sex with your partner. Be careful of your wording to avoid making things sound like they have done something wrong or you are upset with them. Instead, explain how things make you feel and what you prefer. For instance, you might tell them: “I find that being on top of the most pleasurable,” rather than focusing on what you don’t like.
2 | Address Things Directly
Many couples have sex less often after they end their “honeymoon” phase, but if you are finding that your partner is initiating sex less and less and it’s bothering you, delicately addressing it is important. Again, using a “we” statement is important. Simply stating: “We haven’t been having sex as often as we used to, and I feel like I’m not as attractive to you as I used to be.”
Finding the reason for the reduced intimacy can be tough, but don’t automatically point fingers about cheating or something else–even if you suspect that. Instead, keep an open mind. Perhaps it’s due to stress as work or even them having their own body image issues, making them think you’re less attracted to them.
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3 | Make Requests Sexy
Instead of sweeping your desires under the rug and feeling dissatisfied, which will only lead to resentment, you should work to tell your partner about your desires. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be a stiff or awkward conversation. If you approach it right, you can even make this sexy in itself. For instance, you could say: “I was thinking about what it’d be like if you kissed me like [this] for a long time tonight. Could we try it?”
4 | Seek Input
You want your partner to be satisfied, too, so always bring up ways that they could get more satisfaction out of your sex life by asking questions about what they prefer or want to try. Just ask: “What can I do to make things more enjoyable for you?” You can even create sex wishlists and compare them. The point is, figure out what you can do better as you find gentle ways to inform your partner about what they could do better for your pleasure.
5 | Explain Your Likes and Dislikes
A great way to keep your sex life fun and enjoyable for both of you is to talk about not only what you do like and don’t like, but also what you might want to try in the future. Have open conversations about things and also be sure to make it clear what you never want to try. You can cross things off and add things to the list as you go along, but the point is that you’re talking about sex like two adults should. In the long run, you’ll grow closer and happier because of it.
Of course, always stick to the main goals, which center around keeping the conversation calm and friendly. You should never take sides or turn things into a fight. It’s something you should work on together, as partners, and not something you should feel up in arms about. With that said, if you have other problems in your relationship–whether it’s general communication issues or emotional abuse–you should consider bringing a professional in to guide your conversation about sex. Doing so can help both of you heal and grow closer in other ways.
At the end of the day, sex is not something you should avoid talking about with your partner. If you feel dissatisfied, it’s likely your partner does too, and if neither of you talks about it, it can lead to major issues down the road–from resentment to infidelity. Be confident that you’ll each find a resolution and find ways to start the conversation today.
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.
Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!
Never the Right Word
Hi there! I’m Amy, and I’m the person behind Never the Right Word. I’m a designer-by-day who’s fascinated by human psychology; you’ll find me learning about what makes others tick through all types of media and good old-fashioned conversation.
In 2019 Never the Right Word was born to fill the gap of ‘how-to’ websites with copy and paste examples showing you EXACTLY what you need to say to steer difficult conversations into positive outcomes.
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