Conversation tends to flow naturally for hours with the people we’ve already built relationships with. When it comes to friends, family, or our significant others, we learn how to best navigate conversations with the leading people in our lives but with other people, this doesn’t always come naturally.  

Some people are simply trickier to talk to or perhaps it’s us who gets shy when we’re around those who aren’t familiar. It can be difficult to find the right things to say to a person we hardly know even for 10 minutes. If you find it hard talking to strangersyou’re not alone and it’s completely normal – many people face the very same dilemma that you do.  

For the people who enjoy talking about the things that mean the most to them, momentary musings, life, and relationships, (introverts we’re talking to you, small talk can feel quite dull and/ or uncomfortable. We understand the struggle, that’s why we have compiled these 12 secret hacks to help you always to know what to say in conversations.  

Whenever you’re stuck in the monotonous chit-chat, try on these simple hacks after asking some too generic question like “what’s up?” “How are you?” etc. to shake up those long awkward pauses.

 

Hack 1 | Ask About their Interests 

 

The easiest way to get someone talking is to ask them about something they are passionate about; their goal, hobby, favorite place, or someone they love. When people talk about topics they love, they can keep going making the conversation flow more naturally.

To find out what people are passionate about, ask questions like what somebody does during their free time, what hobbies or goals they might have. They may not open up all at once so, keep on asking them questions related to it.

Hack 2 | Be a Great Listener 

 

We all have this tendency to zone out of any dull conversation and open windows of our minds to a memory, idea, or scenario. But if you are interested in keeping the conversation going, you must avoid letting your mind drift and actually listen to the person who is talking.

The smooth talker is usually someone who remembers things about others and low and behold we usually find things out about other people through listening. When the other person is telling you about their family, work, etc. pay close attention to what they are saying, and instead of saying “hmm...,” ask related questions.

Hack 3 | What Kind of Movies/books/music/activities Do They Like? 

 

The quickest way to bond with a stranger is if the answer to this question is somewhat of your interest. Let’s say you ask someone about their favorite book? And the answer to that book is a song of ice and fire. Whoa! That’s something you have read too.

So, now you can go hours and hours about discussing different characters, scenes, and author. And the same goes for music, movies, and TV shows. Well, the best part is that people feel quite comfortable discussing these things even with someone they don’t know very well.

Hack 4 | Good Conversation is a Lot Like Tennis

 

Till now, we have put a lot of stress on asking interesting questions instead of generic ones. But these generic questions are always the ones that act as a conversation starter. Whenever you meet a new person at the party, keep on asking these generic questions until you stumble upon something interesting.

Do not stress too much about what to ask and what not to. Just try to avoid questions that are too personal, that’s all. And also, don’t fret too much about putting words into the sentences to make it either funny or insightful. Be friendly, and that will work.

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Hack 5 | Answer Their Generic Questions Elaborately

 

If you want the other person to answer your questions other than “Fine,” “That’s good,” “It’s Okay,” etc.  You should avoid doing that too. The more you talk freely with them, the more they will open up to you.

So even if they ask you about how is your job, instead of replying with it’s going well, add a bit detail of how much you love working for people in need or how stressful the accounting work is. This way they might be able to relate and will tell you about their work problems too.

Hack 6 | Be Genuinely Interested in the Lives of the People You’re Talking to​ 

 

This question may seem like a very generic question like asking someone what they doing these days are, but believe me, this question has a much stronger effect. And it’s because we don’t talk about the important issues mostly like we are always concerned about the job, college, health but we somehow forget to ask that how are you emotionally?

What is the thing that bothers you? Are you tired of being so strong? What keeps you going?  So when you ask a person about how is your life going, it gives an unintentional signal of asking them to speak their inner truth. And the probability of them opening up with you will be a lot more as compared to those basic questions.

Hack 7 | Spare the Elaborate Details in Favor of Focusing on Adding Value to the Conversation

 

To key to a healthy conversation is that both individuals take an active part in it. So, when it’s your turn to talk, and they ask you some questions about your last trip. It’s okay if you tell them about how long your stay was and the places you have visited and even if you have one or two interesting incidents that took place. But don’t overdo it.

If, at any instance, you think that the other person is getting bored with the conversation skip your part and ask them about their latest trip. You know to make them talk because, to be honest, no one likes a self-absorbed person.

Hack 8 | Talk About Their Previous School or Job

 

To carry on the small talks, you are supposed to make the other person an active part of the conversation. So, what’s better than asking them light questions about their past. Like where were they born or where they studied, what subjects they opt for etc.

But remember not to ask too many personal questions. And if at any stage you feel that the person is a bit reluctant to answer, just back off. Because making them feel uncomfortable is the last thing you want to do.

Hack 9 | Discuss Trending Topics on Social Media​ 

 

With the ongoing craze of social media, there is always something new to talk about; the trending hashtag on Twitter, the new video on YouTube, and any new meme on Facebook, etc. There is always something. So why not use these topics to start over your left off conversation with the stranger sitting next to you.

Hack 10 | Be Refreshingly Honest and Admit Ignorance Allowing Others to Take the Stage 

 

Suppose you were asking about the other person’s interest, and it turned out to be racing cars, but unfortunately, it’s not your domain. So instead of pretending that you know about it and nodding, you head continuously; be open about it.

Say something like, “Oh! Well, that’s something I don’t know anything about it at all.”  This way maybe you move on to the next interest. Or you can also stick to this one and ask them to tell you the details about it for beginners.

Hack 11 | When All Else Fails, Reach for Current Affairs or the Weather 

 

Small talk can be boring, but it can be turned into something far more interesting when you ask people about their opinion on a certain topic. That’s like opening up a gate for debate.

Hack 12 | Open-mindedness is a Highly Coveted Trait, Show That You Can Respectfully Disagree but See the World From Another Person’s Perspective

 

Whenever you are having debate on a particular topic, there will likely be someone who will hold an opposite opinion to yours. Understand that it is okay to hold different opinions because people are different.

The opinion or moral ethics you hold is because of the environment you were brought up in, the lessons you were taught as a kid, the books you read, and the friends you met. But in no way, it is going to be similar for others so, instead of panicking and stepping back into the awkward silence phase.

You can think of the ways to counteract it by changing the subject gradually or questioning them about their stance etc. Every individual is an interesting book. So, reserve judgement about them, and try to find out a little bit more.

We hope that the next time you have to go to the gathering of people you hardly know; you don’t find yourself in the corner but instead enjoy your time socializing and maybe even come out with a new friend or two!  

At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.   

If you’re interested in further reading, we’ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more about NTRW and our recommended tools, you can do that here.  

Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!

Article by Never the Right Word

Scripts & Templates for Life’s Uncomfortable Conversations. Learn more about NTRW here. NTRW is supported by adverts and affiliate marketing links. For more info, please see our Earnings Disclosure.

This site does not constitute legal, mental, or medical health advice, please consult a competent licensed professional. If you have questions please Contact Us.

Never the Right Word

Never the Right Word

Hi there! I’m Amy, and I’m the person behind Never the Right Word. I’m a designer-by-day who’s fascinated by human psychology; you’ll find me learning about what makes others tick through all types of media and good old-fashioned conversation. Learn more about me here.

In 2019 Never the Right Word was born to fill the gap of ‘how-to’ websites with copy and paste examples showing you EXACTLY what you need to say to steer difficult conversations into positive outcomes.

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